January 3, 2019

Weirdness Starts The Day


It's nothing really, just a time where I feel somewhat 'weirded out.' It makes me wonder sometimes if this is part of the process of getting older. I don't feel old physically, nor do I think I am old mentally ... I've discussed that somewhere before. Yet, this feeling I've had  so far today (2.5hrs) is something I've felt only in retirement. That might happen only because I am not so busy this time of day where I use to be getting ready for work or at work ... so that's understandable.


It's not a feeling of anxiousness nor paranoia, just strangeness.


I feel warm in my clothes yet the indoor thermometer tells me I shouldn't feel warm, just comfortable. The weather forecast tells me it's going to be another great day but I don't feel that way. Maybe it's a letdown after all the energy and thinking I did the past few days changing the design of the blog. I have nothing to do here. The dishes are done, house is clean, no urge to keep reading the Steve Jobs book. No urge to grocery shop while I need fruit and salmon. I've been hungry for days but for nothing that is in my kitchen.


I couldn't help but try to put this mental puzzle together while on the walk this morning. Was I feeling regret about buying a camera when I have a good one in my hand? No. Do I need to go on a mini-roadtrip, get out of the house more than just 25 miles away? No. Is the simple lifestyle routine getting to me? No.

So what is the cause of the weirdness this morning?


It may have started within seconds of opening my eyes, and taping my Garmin to see the time. Stella and Heidi were both whining as they normally do when they are awake and ready to get another day started. My Garmin's bright white background, brighter than any nightlight was showing 5:03am ... I got up anyway. I was ready to get up. I wanted to get up with a feeling that I needed to do something. There was nothing I needed to do.


While the hounds inhaled their kibble for breakfast I was making coffee like every morning when I glanced at the clock and it says 6:39am. What ??? I've only been up 10 minutes at the most and it's 6:39am ... how did that happen? So I glance at the Garmin on my wrist and sure enough, it also says it's 6:39am. I misread the time seconds after opening my eyes. It wasn't even close to 5:03am when I glanced at the Garmin.

That is not where the weirdness came from.


That feeling started somewhere during my first cup of coffee. Different day same routine. Nothing needed to get done. The 'Reminder' program Apple gave me, shows nothing is a high priority. My mind is restless. Ah ha .... restless? It's like anything else when I design a blog, drive cross country, research my next car or truck trade, or plan a camping trip (only a few years ago) ... it's the normal excitement of 'the chase' and the big mental 'letdown' after it has been accomplished.


After the blog design is decided upon and finished ... now what? After that car or truck is bought and sitting in the driveway ... now what? After driving 1,800 miles sitting in the middle of nowhere with the most beautiful countryside around ... now what?

It's always the same. So maybe that is the weirdness I feel this morning.


My dad told me soon after his retirement, that he would feel anxious every morning unless he had planned things he needed to do that day. Just knowing he needed to mow the yard (large, acres) would be enough to take away that anxious feeling. Washing the cars? That did it also. Sitting around ... made him anxious. He had to be doing something.

You'll notice the deer decided to follow our return path sometime last night or early morning. Those hoof prints are fresh, within the previous couple of hours?


Normally I would have written about these feelings on my private blog just to log as reference, this weirdness. Still, I said last month that I would going to be more open, transparent on this blog. So here it is. Not a big announcement I'm sure but it is what it is I guess. It all stems from asking myself if this type of feeling is just me or is it something I should expect as normal as I get older.

Anyone out there over 66 years of age ... do you have feelings like this at times? Spaced out? Weird? A little lost?


There is more to this, I just remembered what else ... a feeling of being lost. No plans are nice in retirement, no schedules, but maybe they really are needed in this life of leisure. I do have some plans for this spring but nothing is firm yet and they are really dependent on someone else's health if they happen or not. I can still do it solo.

I also don't mind this simple lifestyle the hounds and I lead. We have for years. I'm content, no worries, no crisis that needs a fix. We just are, day after day. (I have just thought of something I can do today, doing two things in one trip and I'll add photos and blog about it later.)


Right now I feel distracted again, as usual. I have forgotten some things I wanted to write about the 'weird feeling' I've had this morning. In fact my mind is just blank about that right now.


For the first time in years, I have not had the urge to move west. It's January and that urge usually turns into obsessive searching of real estate in Arizona or New Mexico. Not this year. Of course the weather has been fantastic, around normal averages, where we have not dipped into the 20's too many days and have never been in the single digits this year. Maybe that urge to move doesn't happen until it's 20° or lower?


As I move through this post I have realized that all I need to get rid of this feeling is to DO SOMETHING !!!!

Get out of the house, take my camera with me, go for a drive out in the country in the local area ... country is all around me ... with gravel roads, very little traffic on some highways and many paved country roads to choose from that go in all directions.


So already, before finishing this post I have multiple ideas to choose from. Those options were not even a thought a few hours ago. It reminds me of the time now, when I would feel like this in the past, I would take my Z4 out for a drive of 50-60 miles. If the weather was good the top would be down if it was like today the heater would be on.

Those kind of trips decreased to almost nothing last summer for some strange reason. The spring or summer day would be beautiful and I didn't want to drive it. That is one of the reasons I sold it. All it did was sit here month after month, not being driven.

Based on the number of times I was driving it in 2018, I wasn't going to put more than 850 miles on it for the year. The times I did drive it I was beginning to feel that car would either put me in jail or kill me. Yes, speeding was a factor. Not a few miles over the limit ... but enough where they probably would have taken the keys away once they caught me.  :) It was hard not to drive the car the way it was designed to be driven.

I didn't like the color anyway. If I ever buy another, it will be the dark gray color, is it called "slate gray?" (I hate the way that looks with the question mark inside the quotation mark)


In the 'old days' of many years ago, I would have grabbed my tent, sleeping bag and some food ... then went camping locally out in the freezing weather for a few days. That always clears the mind. Sure I could do that now with the hounds but it's not fair to them to make them stay outside in cold weather, freezing weather just because I have a bug up my ass to go camping. That will only stay as a good memory.


What animal would be this tall to have Stella so interested????


No, I think what I have planned for this morning is going to be a good idea. An enjoyable idea. I'll take off within minutes of publishing this post. I'll post photos and a short blog later this afternoon or early tonight. I have an IU basketball game to watch at 7pm, so the post will take place in the late afternoon unless I schedule it for a later time.


Speaking of blog posts ... with the plan I set for this blog almost a month ago ... there will be occasional posts that is nothing but content. There will not be any photos while I ramble on those posts. I had one the other day and a few readers let me know they liked and wanted photos. Well in the story telling or rambling posts where I have to get something on paper and out of my mind ... photos aren't going to happen in those.

I also like the way the blog looks. I was able to figure out myself how to change the code that would change the colors of the fonts, the size of the fonts, different colors for links, post titles, etc. I did find out that I was wrong about the thumbnail size on the front page. Those small photos are 400x400 and will automatically adjust the height accordingly.

I could spend most of the day trying to figure out how to make them all 400x400 no matter what size they are when I upload them. Not today ... I want to get out of the house and away from this computer. The sun is out and it's not even 10am yet. That's a good thing.

My data leak is also mysterious. I spent weeks burning over a gig per day as I spent most of the day on the computer looking through WordPress themes, changing designs plus my normal internet surfing. Yesterday after seven straight hours I had only burned 358Mb of data.

That is extremely low for what I was doing. Almost half the amount I had last week after the same amount of time. What happened? Who or what was using my data? I looked through my Activity Monitor and found nothing to be soaking up data. Automatic updates were turned off years ago.

Well I hate to end this so abruptly but I have to get out of here ... like right now.

It's another good morning here in 'the tropics' of Southern Indiana.


  1. For 90% of your Life [more?] you resided in the stream of the workforce with I am sure at times more responsibilities than necessary. Now, in a sense, the bottom has dropped and you are free, that barrier between "you" and "self" uniting throughout what we call "retirement", truly a bad word while the present freedom you have acquired actually has opened the doors towards what "you want" to finally do with no strings attached. I personally had a buffer as I lived with Spirit on the road for 14 years, yes, everyone's dream yet hard and harsh more often than not. Now, with a house, a car and everything one can desire, yes, those "strange" days do surface. We are not programmed for these present days... yet, we have to embrace them as they are finally the Gift we awaited for all our Life. It is not too late to reprogram ourselves... This too shall pass as they say. Could be the weather, too much "home" time, not enough directions to keep us busy? It all adds up... Stay well, get it together... you have it all and the mind will follow. Ara

  2. Glad that you figured out something 'to do' today!! You say that you are content but I don"t believe that you truly are. You might think that you are, but you are constantly wanting to do, to buy, to research, to change, etc. You appear happiest when you are 'doing' those things. I suggest that you look for something to add to your life, a daily challenge, another hound, a volunteer position in your area, an online research job for others. You excel at research, why not use it to stimulate your mind to help others or to increase your income. Likely you don't need the money but you do need the activity. The monies could always be donated to an animal shelter/rescue,etc.

    By the way, I love how the blog is now. I am looking for someone to make changes to mine...hint, hint :)

  3. Well said "5C's Que Pasa". Living away from town also has its advantages and disadvantages! Spirit and I spent our winters in Big Bend were I had 20 acres in the middle of nowhere. Loved it there but town was 63 miles away... Now, here in Alamogordo, even though this town does not have much to offer, everything is just a few minutes away and keeps me busier than previously. Great ideas for sure you have...

  4. Thanks Ara. I just Goggled your town. Looks delightful. Might stop by some year on our way South to Mexico, where finally the sun is shining today.

  5. Your photos are not standing out to me. They blend in to the black. Can you put a small border on them?

  6. Thanks ... it all makes sense. I am thinking I need to get out every day in someway BESIDES just taking Stella on walks. There is a lot of nice country to explore around here ... less computer time, more exploration.

  7. Interesting you say that because I thought of online work, as long as it was on my time, my terms. Those jobs are out there. Another hound is not an option, as much as I like puppies and older rescues.

    I think you are "spot on" about my mind needing 'activity'. Thank you for the suggestions. I'll them about each one.

    I am ready to change your, build you a new one or whatever ... for free ... when you are ready, I am ready. I could start by sending you links to different WordPress themes to have you look at.

  8. Thanks for your feedback Sally. I'll do some looking on making borders around the photos. Or I'll ask the techies at WordPress.

  9. Even for us folks who are still knee-deep in a career and work obligations... I cannot sit around and do nothing even in my off time. I am still up very early on my days off and keep myself busy no matter what. Unless I'm sick with the flu or something, my head never touches the pillow until bed time. I suspect I'll go insane when I do retire someday... too much time to fill and not enough stuff to fill it with. LOL

    P.S. Here's a snippet of CSS code for you if you want borders around your images. :-)

    img, article .entry img {
    border: 1px solid #fcead7;

  10. Thanks for the code .. I was in the forums looking for that answer as you sent your comment.

    It will be better for me when the weather is warm again and I can get back on my house/yard to do list. That list never goes away ... LOL

  11. Fixed ... let me know if this works for you

  12. I didn't think that another hound was an option. Once long ago my Mom was depressed and bored with life. Her doctor told her to have another baby ( we already were 4 kids ) or do something she really wanted to do. So she went to University and became a teacher. Quite amazing.

    We will talk about my blog via email. Can you do the Word Press that I am on? I would need a theme from there, something very close to what I have. I would like everything to be the same as much as possible. Unlike you , I dislike too much change.

  13. That has been the "million dollar question" as my mother use to say ... "what do you want to do?" .... Hmmm "don't know"

    Just like trying to decide this morning whether I wanted one large bag of carrots or two smaller bags of carrots. :)

    I'll look through some blog themes and make one similar to what you have ... I am on WordPress and can look at over 320 themes. You can even have the same header photos at the top of the blog if you send me your image.

  14. I really liked ARA's town the couple of times I have camped near there. Excellent location for lots of different types of adventures.

  15. I have always wanted to move there.

  16. See how many different trains you can photograph up there on the Tulip Trestle??

    Oh wait. . . You're not that far gone yet.

  17. I think there is just enough room to hang on the side to let the train pass.