September 17, 2019
Good Pain Or Bad Pain
I'm writing early this morning without a photo taken yet. It's pitch black outside at a time a couple of months ago where Stella and I would have been out on her walk, 5:42am It was another sleepless night and I finally decided to end the fight to get some sleep around 5am. It will be interesting to see how much time my sleep app on the phone pulls from my watch. You would be surprised how accurate the times are as it records the times I get up in 5 minute increments.
I don't know what it is but 8 and 9 days after surgery I cannot fall asleep. For the 2nd night around 8pm my leg starts twitching and luckily stops within 15-20 minutes. I take that as something is healing. I do not know if nerves were cut, most likely compressed. I DO know that it is strange that at times at night my left leg, non-surgical side, is almost totally numb on the outside of my thigh.
A lot of different things going on in my body right now and nothing is similar to the times I was riding a bike and slowly, sometimes painfully getting back in shape. I might feel something new and wonder, is that 'good' pain or 'bad' pain? Have I done something I should not have to cause that pain?
I am still following the strict instructions the PT gave me that Monday morning as we walked the hallway. He gave me instructions on how to make a basic turn. Short movements, always keeping my feet parallel to the side of the walker. NOT to turn quickly like I normally have done. All the exercises I do, I can complete the 10 reps. Of course on the right side there is a lot of tightness in the leg, hip and hamstrings.
I am NOT forcing anything, nor am I trying to raise that leg just a little higher or bring that foot back a little further. I go until there is discomfort and stop.
This morning I did not nor do not feel as good as I did yesterday. It was the 2nd night in a row having a hard time getting to sleep and then waking up at 4am and not getting back to sleep makes it worse. I still have those rest periods for 30 minutes during the day and at least one siesta.
I follow what my body is telling me in both nap, rest and exercise.
It's when there is something different, maybe new ... a pain you didn't feel yesterday or one that is more intense (hip) today. I cannot control what my legs do during sleep. I assume that when I wake up suddenly my body has moved in a way it shouldn't have and the reflex to pain is to wake up.
I still sleep with the large foam wedge the hospital gave me to put between my legs. So much better than a couple of pillows. But my brain and my body continues to want to roll to my left side (non-surgical) and sleep. In fact I would almost pay any amount of money to be allowed to do that right now. Last night half asleep I caught myself wanting to roll to the right side and sleep.
Or have I raised my right leg or bent my knee too much while I was sleeping? Is the reason the pain deep inside my hip a sign that muscles are healing or did I tweak it in a way it didn't want to go? The way the hip feels today I may have done that. I know it did not feel that way when I went to bed, in fact I did not take any pain medication yesterday.
My body is telling me today ... take it easy and I will.
I'll do the exercises 2x day, I'll take rest periods, sleep when I want, elevate my right food laying flat for 30 minutes 3x per day to keep the swelling down ... but I will not try to do a lot of walking up and down the hall. I am not counting steps nor have a 'goal' of total steps ... I watch that count just to monitor my activity.
Honestly I thought negative thoughts would kill me in this situation but it's been just the opposite. Any negative thoughts have been few and far between. I've remained positive and have less pain than I expected, a lot less. I have timeline for rehab so I know the general area on the calendar where I can start to feel normal again, when I should be normal again, when I can drive a car again etc.
Seeing those in date form ie: October 18, 2019 helps the mental aspect of this situation.
It's sometimes in those wee early hours in the middle of the night where the negative thoughts push their way in. It's dark outside, the hounds are sleeping or dreaming and I lay wondering what happened. Then I remember the heart issue that I completely forget about. There is a quiet calm about all of it and I have to admit that is a little surprising.
All I know ... I'm getting better every day and all of his pain or no pain, sleep or no sleep, is just the healing process.
[Late note: I've been craving all kinds of different food. Some I have some I don't. Eating 1600-2000 calories per day.
I love these mornings in the Wild West.